Monday, 31 December 2018

What has 2018 taught me?

I can't believe I am saying this but another year has nearly gone. This year has gone so quick, but the amount of gratitude I have for achieving everything this year is indescribable. Looking back now I actually realized how much I have accomplished. But it doesn't go without saying this year has also been hard, yes I have had so many ups and downs I feel like I have been on a roller coaster the whole way through , but I honestly don't regret a thing. A lot of things haven't turned out how I thought they would but that's life. I mean I made the decision to leave stage school, fly over to Greece to live there for 3 months ( but we all know that didn't work out), I started my own business, started to take my blogging more seriously, found my passion and my purpose, lost a lot of people but gained some amazing souls, I have cried a lot, been f**ked over many times by guys but also found happiness on my own. Ok.... it goes to say a shit load has happened this year but that isn't why I am writing this. I could go on and on about what has happened to me this year the bad and the good, but what will you benefit out of that? What will I benefit by thinking about that... Nothing... So instead I like to reflect on the lessons I have learnt, the good things I can take from every situation.

So a few months ago I started to get closer to this girl ( I mean she is incredible it goes without saying) but we met on Instagram, we spoke a little, we lived in the same area- 2 minutes down the road from each other. But we had just never met. We both had shit going on lets say. Anyways so we started to get closer and speak more and as time progressed I realised oh right she is more like me than I thought, and do you know what I am unbelievably grateful that I met her because the amount of things she has made me realise. For so long I knew that I was an ' over thinker ' everybody would tell me, they would tell me I needed to stop, it wasn't helping anything- you know all of this rubbish. However the more I reflected on it I realised WAIT... the fact I over think isn't a bad thing. Like why does it have to be??? Because most of the time it leads to new ideas and content and until I was faced with someone that would over think the smallest things just like me I didn't realise this. I didn't understand that I should accept it and not try to change it because it defines me. I love the fact I over think, and I accept it!

She also taught me something else ( gosh I am so glad this girl came into my life) She said something to me not long ago that really stuck with me. And it's that in life no one owes you anything. Like I went on a date not long ago and she said to me look if he messages you after great or if he doesn't or it doesn't work out he doesn't actually owe you anything. I then looked at things different, like not to expect anything from meeting anyone because they aren't on this world to service me, to give me anything, If I truly want something I have to do it myself. But I look at friends I have met this way, if they decide they don't want to get in touch with me or stay in contact then that's fine because they are doing them, They don't owe me nothing. I owe myself the world.

For so long I wouldn't let anyone in, I had this wall up and I didn't want anyone to come over it, however this year I've let my guard down , I've allowed people to come into my life and they actually ended up trying to crush it and destroy me as a person, but as soon as I realised that I let them go. Without letting my guard down this would never of happened. I wouldn't of met the amazing people I now know through my business, I wouldn't of made new friends online and off and I certainly wouldn't of gone on any dates because in my head I wasn't letting anyone get in the way of what I wanted. But I'v learnt from this, you learn so much about yourself, and now I know my worth and no man is ruining that.

I am so grateful to of started my own business because it led me to find my passion and my purpose. For so long I thought I was meant to be on stage performing in Musicals and loving life, however I realised that wasn't for me. I was sick of pretending to be someone that wasn't me. I have always been born to be on stage( if you know me you will understand this) but I shortly realised after leaving stage school that combined with what I loved writing and talking about on my blog and my social media that I was meant to be sharing the knowledge that I knew. I knew that the universe was leading me in this direction and I knew I wanted to become a content creator and a keynote speaker. It just clicked one day, and since that point I have never been so clear if my vision.

And lastly ( I mean there is so many more lessons I have learnt but we would be here forever...............) Since starting my own business and becoming my own boss it came to me that not everyone is going to get what you do. At the start this was so hard to understand- I didn't get it. But after many tears and failing and failing and having to literally pick myself up of the ground I've learnt to accept this. It's ok if you don't get what I do, I'm not asking you to. You don't support me?? That's cool babe.

But as long as you realise in a few years to come everyone will be trying to do something similar to me and you will most likely as well. ( I mean in terms of having a side- hustle)

Words don't describe how I feel right now..... I am extremely grateful for seeing this whole year through and being able to live every single day. I can now say I have fallen in love with my life because I took the control, I took charge and I made shit happen.

Thank you so much for the support you give me and for always being there and reading my posts. So much love and happy new year!!!!

C.G xxx

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