Thursday, 4 October 2018

Heartbreak was the best thing that ever happened to me

We are taught from a very young age how love looks and how everyone should get their happily ever after. But what we don't learn is how heartbreak looks and feels- no we have to figure this one out for ourselves. Maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own figuring out what makes you truly happy, I guess we have to experience these emotions in order to understand ourselves. Now this post isn't about me giving all the details on previous relationships and all that gossip hahaha no.... I just wanted to share with you what I learnt from love, break ups and heartache.

So I was in a relationship for a few years and I guess like anyone in a relationship I was very much in love ( or thought I was.) I was quite young at the time when we got together and at this point in my life I was naive and didn't know my own value. As the relationship grew we both grew as people and changed over the years. At the time when we were together I couldn't see how much I had changed and how unhappy I actually was , not until we were broken up I could really see how much I had actually changed. I think when you are in a relationship you can be blinded by it all and not take any notice of your true feelings. I become very unhappy within myself as I had changed and become someone that wasn't me. I became quite negative as a person and towards the end of the relationship I found I just couldn't be happy anymore. I was insecure, over protective you name it! I realised that this wasn't me. 
It's safe to say I learnt a lot from being in a relationship and falling in love so I thought I would share them with you.

Letting go is not actually a weakness.
I have actually done a a previous blog post on this, but what I learnt is that letting go and moving on doesn't show any form of weakness it actually shows courage. Holding onto pain doesn't fix anything. Replaying the past over and over again doesn't change anything, and wishing things were different won't make it any better. We all have a past and sometimes it can be hard to forget it and let go but you have to realise when you can accept it and let go your life will become a much happier place. You have to let go of what is hurting you even if you can't imagine being without that person, you can't visualize your life without there presence. Making that decision to let go is a huge step forwards, many people see letting go as giving up, as giving into the pain and not even giving it another go. But in order to let go you need strength, you need a strong sense of who you are.

Life still goes on.
No matter how you feel, your life is going to continue and I knew that I needed to make a change. I took a lot of time to focus on myself and work on my self development and take my life back into my own hands. At that present time it did feel like the end of the world( dramatic I know!! But it is me) But after letting myself cry and listen to Adele while tears ran down my face ahahaha I knew I had this and I wasn't going to let anyone ever again affect my life and make me change as a person.
And as Rashida Rowe said " Even though we have been hurt, we must find a way to get through it, life goes on whether we want it to or not. The world keeps turning no matter how bad we feel. This is why we have to learn how to bounce back and keep moving forward. 
It's ok to be on your own
Now this took time. I can remember someone saying to me you just need time to be on your own. When we first split I didn't even want to think about being on my own because I was so used to being with someone. But I had to accept it, I know a lot of people treat break ups differently and some move on very quickly. However after I got used to the idea of being single I knew in my head I needed to be alone and that was ok. I began to accept myself and suddenly I was welcoming things I never expected, began to find my passion and my purpose and opened my heart back up to new opportunities. I can remember I would of never read a book 3 years ago and now I get through one a week. It just goes to show that giving yourself time is important. Being single doesn't mean your lonely, unwanted or unloved it just means your a strong person to remain single whilst we are in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something. 

We accept the love we think we deserve
I had no idea of my value before, I didn't know how I should and shouldn't be treated so I just accepted it. I now know my worth and know what I deserve.We don't think that we deserve better, and therefore we settle for people who treat us poorly. It was time for me to realise I deserve more.

We can't truly love someone unless we love ourselves 
How can we honestly expect anyone to love us if we don't love ourselves? It's impossible. I can honestly say I fell out of love with myself which is so sad. Unless you respect yourself you won't know what to ask for in a relationship. It's so important to have self love. 
Lucille Ball once said “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world."

So it's safe to say it taught me a lot. We can never regret things that we learn a lesson from, these experiences teach us lessons for a lifetime. I am grateful for what it taught me and I am grateful for what he taught me. So many people are afraid to get into relationships, afraid of getting hurt but surely it's a life lesson that you can't learn anywhere else. It's only going to make you a stronger person. If I had never of experienced the feeling of heartache I would never of discovered what I now know. I wouldn't be able to share my knowledge with you or the lessons I have learnt . It's taught me how to achieve my goals more than ever, never hold grudges, never have hatred just be thankful for the lessons learnt. I am completed focused on my passion and helping others. I now have a fulfilled life and I am in a place of happiness because I realised what I needed to changed. I'm not saying it was easy! No because I was young and I thought I was in love, but I am so dam thankful that I learnt this young!!!!
So heartbreak was the best thing that happened to me. Don't be afraid of love and don't be afraid to walk away.

A broken heart never kills what's strongest in us.

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